The Power of your breath.
The second you graced this world with your presence, you took my breath away. The indescribable explosion of love in my heart I had only experienced twice in my life; that was when your sisters were born.
Your cheeks very rosy and round and your fingers were so long that it would have given any piano player hand envy.
You had the most intense blue eyes that curiously explored my face. We already knew each other…like old pals.
Your magnetic energy had given me encouragement to stay focused on my goal for nine months, and the sound of my heart beat rocked you to sleep everyday in the womb.
As you grew, so did my pride of being your mommy. You were beautiful, kind, intelligent, witty, funny but most importantly you cared deeply for others. I was convinced you were going to make a difference in this world! For six short years, we lived blissfully as a perfect family. Truly!
December 26th, 2017, is when our bubble burst. We walked into the hospital with an alleged walking pneumonia and left more than thirty days later with a stage IV diffuse anaplastic Wilms Tumor diagnosis. Surgery, radiation therapy and chemotherapy was executed in one year.
During that year, you and I entirely fused together via our minds, bodies and spirits. You trusted my judgement wholeheartedly and never questioned if I feared.
We learned about the power of our breaths and how that breath allowed us to conquer anxiety, adversity; I now know, that it also prepared us for the next fight ahead.
I tried baby…I tried so hard to save you! I truly believed, against all odds, that you were meant to be holding my hand until the end of my days.
Now, I’m left breathing, on my own, without your guidance and aid.
I admire your continual bravery as the uphill battle became more conspicuous. A craniotomy followed by four additional brain tumors….Seriously???!!
I didn’t believe the end was near, even when it pierced my face on the first of the year. I climbed into the hospital bed with you and held you in my arms; and I will never let go.
I know you heard me when I communicated with you, even though you were unable to respond. You are safe, you are loved-unconditionally, you are always on my mind and I will never forget.
I will never forget the impact you made on the world around you, I will never forget your voice, your hugs, your laugh, your cry, or your pain and I will never ever forget how you loved me.
I held you in my arms as you took your first breath and my heart broke as you took your last breath. I will never forget you. You live in me.